If you have a copy of Things to Know Before You Say “Go” there are several easy ways you can begin to play with the cards to help you explore your relationships. Sorting all 76 questions is a lot of work and takes time. Consider the following exercise as a quick way to examine the questions without getting overwhelmed.
Pick five cards at random and lay them out in front of you. Now put the cards in order of their value to you. What card would you put in the number one place? Why is this card the most important to you? Look at the questions on the back side of the card to get more clarity about the nuances of this issue. Now, examine what card takes last place? Why does it seem least important of the five cards? What does this short sort say about your values and preferences?
If you are in a relationship you may want to consider doing the following:
- After thinking about your top ranked card question, think about what a relationship would be like if this issue wasn’t valued by your partner.
- Examine your relationship to see how this question is answered as it relates to your partnership.
- Find ways throughout this next week to discuss the issue presented on your most valued card. This is a way to let your partner understand the importance of this issue to you.
If you are not in a romantic relationship you may wish to do the following:
- Make your number one card the topic of curious observation this next week. Look at the relationships of others in your life. See if this issue seems important to them. Is this topic discussed directly by others?
- Ask a friend who is in a relationship what they think about this issue? Was it an important consideration for them in choosing a partner? Has this issue ever caused conflict for them?
If you are a mentor or parent consider the following:
- Looking at your top ranked card, identify the ways you currently communicate the importance of this topic to others?
- Is your current relationship a good model for this issue? If not, is there a way to think about this or speak about this that isn’t judgmental or condemning of yourself or others, yet speaks your truth?
- What might you say about why neglecting this issue could be harmful? Try to speak your truth out-loud when no one is listening, just to hear what you might say.
- See if you can find a way to bring this topic up in your regular conversation this next week. Is there a way to talk about it without being “preachy”? How could you show your concern for this issue in an indirect way? What words might you use if you were to discuss this issue directly?
- Is there a story from your own life that might help illustrate the importance of this issue?